Many people believe that love is so exclusive and unique that even entertaining the thought that you're in love with two people means you're not really in love with either. But that's not what I think. The idea that love has to be confined to only one person is a myth and most likely what we were brought up to believe in..

The truth is, most of us don't want to entertain the possibility that our love can extend to two individuals at the same time, because it's too scary to imagine being in such a confusing state!

Alas, our hearts have a lot more capacity for affection than we give them credit for - or are brave enough to recognize.

Think about it: We can love more than one of our children and parents at any given time, and appreciate each of them for his or her own special attributes. In the same way, different romantic partners offer different things.

Let's say you meet someone who is loyal, totally smitten, and offers you personal and economic stability. His good heart and good intentions make you love him. He's what you want. But then you meet a poet. He is soulful, gifted, romantic and impractical. He's the epitome of every romance novel hero.  You become friends, you're attracted to him, you dream of him at night. He's what you want.

Impossible? No. Impractical? Yes. And that's why we try to figure out who's the "real" love of our life, so we can end the confusion..

Of course, if you love two different people, you don't have to act on it. Say you spot your old flame at your high school reunion and realise that the relationship embers still smolder. You, a happily married woman, are shocked at your reaction.....!

Well, you needn't be. We hold a special place in our heart for first loves ��� the ones who got away. It doesn't say anything bad about your marriage or your relationship values, it says only that you had - and have - something special with someone from your past. You can acknowledge that and still be true to your vows.

If you are deeply attached to more than one person, the real question is: Can you be happy just knowing your heart swells with so much love, or do you need to get involved with both individuals?.



Comments

  • urgirl25 said May 11, 2007...
    ohhh god do I know this!! I know it from my life as we speak at this moment...though I think i am only lusting someone..lol..yikes..and i am married..I cannot act on it but I dream..I agree you can love more then one person at a time...besides all your kids and family etc..
  • secretlife said May 11, 2007...
    it is entirely possible to love two people at once.  it's not always a happy situation, but it certainly is possible
  • CamDaMan20 said May 11, 2007...
    Works for me.  Its more difficult for others to accept than it ever was for us.Cam.
  • fireinnyc said Aug 20, 2008...
    Oh the agony of loving two women who are polar opposites. I had dated one for about 10 months - during that time I had been getting to know and sleeping with another girl. The first is shy and soft and sweet and adorable - the second is sexy and intelligent and matches me on my level of conversation. i think deep down I would get along better with the second girl - but my heart does not want to give up the first. I have cried over and over about this - why? I feel like a pussy but I have. When i look into the eyes of the first girl I get all sad inside - I know that if i let her go I won't see her again - especially if i get into a relationship with the second girl - who I have closed off to emotionally. I was not able to open up emotionally to both of them - so i opened up to the first and closed up to the second and yet there is something inside me that thinks the second would be a better fit (even though she is a bit crazy). I think I'm crazy - I want them both. Now the first is beginning to date other people because I have not been able to commit - in the beginning it was ok to dte other people, but she wants something more. I feel like I am going through hell - stuck in this limbo i've been in for over a year. I had dinner with the first tonight and then drinks with the second. I am on the "friend level" with both of them. The conversation with the first was ok - all I wanted to do was hold her in my arms - the conversation with the second was interesting and engaging and yet I don't have that sexual passion for her like I used to when I could just F*&k her whenever I wanted to. If I could take them both and mix up all the good parts I would have the perfect girl. But perfection is an illusion. it doesn;t exist. maybe there is another girl out there that meets all the qualities I am looking for... but so far I don't see it that way. I feel trapped. The second kissed me tonight even when I told her I did not want to be sexual with her anymore. (and this was not the first time - I'd told her that for the last month or so and have kept to my word despite temptation). The first gave me a hug - I kissed her cheek and wanted to kiss her full on the lips - but I knew that I have not been able to commit to her despite her wanting me to. I feel like a mess. In love with two girls and yet not getting either of them.
  • gunnerslil said Mar 20, 2009...
    I have been happily married for 18 years, I have a good life, with two wonderful children. My husband has been ill for some time and unavailable emotionally for years. I met a man that was going through the same thing, been married the same amount of years......we have been good friends for over 9 years. Well, we fell in love with each other. I love him and he loves me. We did get caught having this emotional affair and had to end it because our kids were at stake...I will always have a place in my heart for him and I do not regret it. It brought my husband and I closer and I hope that it did the same for him and his wife. The only regret I do have is I lost my friendship with him and can no longer talk with him. Yes, you can be in love with two people at the same time, but I do not recommend it. It is complicated and my heart is broken in so many ways. Please do not go looking, try and figure it out with the one you have first. God bless.
  • 2lostinlove said Jul 20, 2009...
    omg, i'm so confused i can't believe how many people are going through this. i need to know how to deal with this. being in love with two people is so unbelievable hard how do you make both of them happy including yourself.
  • akvic said Aug 4, 2009...
    Happily married here for almost 25 years.....now in love with another for the past 3....both at once. Both different...husband is very insecure but I have told him everything. For me it is very painful and not so much about sex as you'd think....The other man respects me and gives me my space. Husband gets upset whenever #2 is around. But when #2 comes to my job...our eyes meet and we play in that space. My boss says she sees the attraction but it is more than just that. You can not guard against this.....it just happens some times.
  • heartbroken said Oct 31, 2009...
    I have just found out that my boyfriend of 8 months has been with someone else as well for the same amount of time. I confronted him and he says that he fell in love with both of us . He says we each offer something different . I ended it as I felt so betrayed but he has continued with the other girl and they are trying to rebuild the relationship. I am so so heart broken. He lied to me in the summer and cancelled a trip away for an exhibition he was going on across the USA but continued to correspond with me whilst he was away, even writing me poetry. He was with her all the time and she paid for it!! (£7000k)! Is this possible or should I just move on and count my blessigs- my daughters and friends hated him because he had no money and took me nowhere butI really thought I had found my soul mate ... Heartbroken and lonely ...
  • Blooteeth said Apr 6, 2010...
    I am in love with two men. They are different and yet so similar in many ways. The first one I have been married to for 6yrs and the other have known for almost the same time as I have been married. We dated before and I stopped it. We met again some two years ago and I just wanted to be in his arms. He's also married. We started seing each other more and we eventually crossed the line. He treats me like a wife. I am working and making enough money but he still takes care of me finacially, emotionally and sexually. He has promised that although he cannot sing to the world that he loves me, he will make sure that I don't ask for anything. I respect him so much, I just know he's here to stay. My husband is also so loving towards me and he has made it clear to the world that for as long as he lives I shall not want and not get. He has given me a stable, secured and loving marriage. I love him to bits and would not trade him for anything. He's a great father, the one I would have wnated to have. He's a great presence and both of them are men of God. I don't know if it's fate but they also share a name, birth years and months. The both of them make me a complete and strong woman that I am. I don't know when or how this will end but I know that I am very special to have two Giants love me like this, I will live with the consequences. Should I die today I will tell my creator 'Thank you for blessing me so much.
  • beckysiz said May 11, 2010...
    I have been fighting this for a couple of months now... my wife of 4 years got really depressed and started using drugs to deal with life. She wouldn't stop, wouldn't talk to me so I withdrew. I met a a new friend and quickly it became more than friendship. Now, while I believe that my wife is my soul mate and can't imagine my life without her, I fell in love with this other woman quickly. She is everything that my wife wasn't. My wife and I both go to therapy and I cut off the relationship with the other woman, but she is on my mind daily. How is it that I am in love with 2 people? I don't want to lose my wife, she is my number 1, but my heart aches for this other person. I struggle each day to not contact her. I feel so bad that the relationship started in such a shady way and I feel bad for lying to my wife and making her feel bad, but it's so hard to feel guilty for loving someone. I am just torn in 2 directions and it hurts so much. If anyone wants to talk about similar situations or whatever feel free to contact me at rebecca_cisneros @ live . com
  • beckysiz said Dec 16, 2010...
    I posted back in May about being in love with someone else and I have to say that I was wrong. I wasn't in love with her at all. She simply filled a void in my life. I was going through though relationship problems with my partner and instead of working on us I ran to someone else to make me feel better. After therapy for both of us I can say that working on our relationship was the best thing I ever decided to do. We are back to being the couple that is envied and we are more in love than ever. The grass isn't always greener on the other side- it's true. Relationships take work and they always will. I think people should focus that energy on their marriages and current relationships vs. going out and turning to someone else for whatever is missing. When you find yourself torn between 2 people you are not being honest with yourself. If you were meant to be with this "other person" you wouldn't be questioning it- you would KNOW. You would feel it. You question it because you know that it's not the right thing to do and you find yourself here, making posts to this forum. just my opinion though....
  • beckysiz said Dec 16, 2010...
    I posted back in May about being in love with someone else and I have to say that I was wrong. I wasn't in love with her at all. She simply filled a void in my life. I was going through though relationship problems with my partner and instead of working on us I ran to someone else to make me feel better. After therapy for both of us I can say that working on our relationship was the best thing I ever decided to do. We are back to being the couple that is envied and we are more in love than ever. The grass isn't always greener on the other side- it's true. Relationships take work and they always will. I think people should focus that energy on their marriages and current relationships vs. going out and turning to someone else for whatever is missing. When you find yourself torn between 2 people you are not being honest with yourself. If you were meant to be with this "other person" you wouldn't be questioning it- you would KNOW. You would feel it. You question it because you know that it's not the right thing to do and you find yourself here, making posts to this forum. just my opinion though....
  • Blooteeth said Dec 16, 2010...
    My situation is still the same. I'm still married to my husband and seing the other guy. Things are great between my husband and I and the kids are in a happy loving home. My other partner is still taking care of me and treating me like a queen. His wife and children are very happy as well. We've never given our partners any reason to suspect because we take care of them. I believe I am inlove with both of them and if I was really faced with the decision to choose I would have to tear myself into two. I will face life with the two of them and see where it will take me. Society dictates that you only have one partner but clearly with the comments from everyone here, it's almost impossible to be with one person for the rest of your life and be sane. Truth be told it's completing for me to serve and be served by these two men, in every aspect.

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